Teddy...My heart, my love, my joy always

Today is a very sad day. I lost a good friend today, a faithful companion, a loving part of our family. Teddy died today at approximately 8 AM in the morning.

My husband called me at work, in a panic, and informed me that when they were taking their usual walk this morning around our block, Teddy, my 8 year old Bichon Frise, got out of his leash because he saw two big dogs across the street. In his attempt to bark at the two dogs, he got out of his leash, slipped through his neck collar (which was new and I just bought yesterday), and ran across the street. In a matter of seconds, a fast approaching car ran over him, one of the tires hit him through the stomach. The car didn't even stop.

My husband was in shock. He carried Teddy home, he was still alive but barely moving. Teddy was looking at him calmly but in pain, and before they reached home, Teddy passed away. He took him to the vet, but there was nothing else they could do.

Tears starting streaming down my cheeks as soon as I put the phone down and headed home. I cried out loud all way from Los Angeles to Anaheim. I was hoping and praying that he was just injured and that he was going to be okay. I had this sick feeling in my stomach. I was so filled with grief.

There are so many, "I should have known better....I shouldn't have bought him a new collar chain....We could have trained him better so he would be more friendly with other dogs...." regrets going through our heads. My husband and I are incredibly sad. Teddy was my first rescue dog. I took him home with me on my very first trip to the pound. There was something in his eyes, I couldn't dare leave him there. I had to take him home. There was a part of me, that said, he was supposed to be mine. The pound was going to put him to sleep, if no one adopts him. He was a stray, they found him wandering on the streets of Riverside. He was so skinny, so dirty, so scared. When I took him home, he was so hungry that he ate the whole can of dog food so fast, like he has never eaten before.

I remember, how he wouldn't let me touch him the first few weeks, he would scower low to the floor, afraid that I would hurt him (his previous owner probably did). He didn't trust people. God knows what he has been through.

With love and patience, he started to trust again, and he loved us. Boy, did he love us! He was thankful that he was part of our family. He would follow me around the house. He would wait for hours under my office chair, until I got back from school. My husband taught him how to kiss, and lick our faces. He would pick up a tennis ball, and drop it by our feet, in a shameless effort to force us to play fetch with him. He would pace up and down by our side, signaling us that it is time for a walk. He contently sat by our sides, and was happy just to be near my husband and I. Our schedules rotated around our dogs.

We loved Teddy, as if he was our child, as if he was a person. We were so incredibly attached to him emotionally, and now that he is gone, I don't even know how to cope. He was eight years old, and I knew he'll have to leave us someday....I just didn't imagine it'll be this way, or that it'll be this soon. Gosh, this is going to be so difficult. No one else could have loved a dog, as much as I loved mine.

I hugged his lifeless body at the vet's office, and my heart was so filled with grief. I didn't know what to do with myself....I know, it sounds weird, but for us, he wasn't just a pet...he was an integral and significant part of our lives, he was family, he was my baby.

I am going to miss him so much. It is going to be awhile before our household goes back to normal again. It will never be the same again.

Teddy, my heart, my love, my joy always. Mama loves you. I am going to miss you so so so much.