Heading Home...

 

So that's that. I wrapped up the last day of the bar exam today. I have been in NJ for five days now and I am sooo homesick. I hate hotels. I miss my foam bed and my own sheets. I miss my Teddy and Rascal. I miss my husband. I miss Aiden (my sis sent the picture posted above - it totally made my day).

I want to go home. It is raining here but it is hot and sticky. Everyone smokes. I can't wait until tomorrow. I feel like I can sleep for days - I probably could. My body and head are tired. I haven't had much sleep since I got here. I am awake all freaking night. I lay in bed and try to sleep but I simply can't. I need a massage (ehem, honey).

How was it? Better than the first time, I think. I did okay for the most part of it - but you never know with these things. I am going to just wait and see (and pray). I will let you know in mid-November.

So there's the ranting - I only had an hour's worth of sleep today, so if this does not make sense - oh well - I just took the bar exam - so please forgive me.

My trip to NYC

I am headed out to NYC tomorrow. Am I nervous? Yeah. Do I look calm? Yeah. The whole process of reviewing again for my second exam attempt has been so different than the first time. The enthusiasm has died. I am no longer that giddy law school graduate so full of hope, and excitement ready to tackle the bar exam - with all my might while holding hands with fellow bar takers, who are just as scared as I am yet as enthusiastic, if not more enthuasiastic than me. This time, it is a little bit darker, a little bit more personal, it is a little bit more subdued, a little bit more secluded - you feel a little bit more alone. This time, you don't want to talk too much about it nor talk about it at all - your progress, your plans, your difficulties - because you've already said everything that needs to be said.

I was talking about my trip briefly with the folks the other day. It is sad because I can see and feel the hesitation in my father's eyes. It appears he has lost his enthusiasm too. He, who has always believed in me, does not have that same "you can do it" cheerleader type of attitude - that he did have the first time around. And I get it and I understand it - because what if I am not able to do it. Then what?

As I was driving today, it dawned on me that people probably think that this is simply just an exam. A test - like any other test that you take in your academic life. However for me - it is more than that. It means more to me than merely just a rite of passage in order to get a license to practice law. It means more to me, than the prospect of a career advancement.

I have invested time - years and years, hours and hours of time, in order to get to where I am now. I sacrificed time. You cannot pay me back nor give me back the time that I have lost. I gave up many many chances to be a better friend, to be a mother, to be a better wife, a better daughter, a better sister - just a better someone - and skipped life experiences that could have made me a happier and a more fulfilled person. If I missed out on all of that - and now I am here - Would it have been worth it?

A boy came into my life today...and I love him!

Today at 11 AM - I received a call from my mom that my sister is in the hospital - and was about to have a baby. I was extremely relieved because I have been praying that she gives birth a week prior to, or a week after my bar exam - so that I am here in CA and able to visit her, give moral support, and witness the birth of my first and only nephew.

I immediately got dressed, did a few practice exams, and headed out to Hoag Hospital at Newport Beach, which was only half hour away from my house. I have been calling and/or texting her all week - asking her if she has given birth yet. I was so excited driving down to the hospital and can't hardly wait to see this little boy - who obviously will become a major, and important part of my life. I got there at around 2 - we patiently sat at the lobby, drank starbucks, and I got my books out to review - so as not to waste any precious time as my exam day is fast approaching. At approximately 5:15 pm - my little sister rushes out the hallway and shouts "he's crying, he's crying!" as we all stood up in glee - eagerly anticipating the arrival of this little prince.

We waited awhile and finally was about to meet him about half hour after he was born. He is so handsome - and I am not saying that just because he is my nephew. He really is a beautiful boy. He weighed in at 8 pounds, 7 ounces, and was 20 1/2 inches long. He has a full set of hair, and chubby chubby cheeks. He looks like his mom - he really does. He is pale, he has big feet and big hands for a baby boy. He keeps sneezing a lot.

I was so proud of my sister. I don't know how that big of a baby can come out of her - they didn't have to do a caesarian operation on her - but they did have to suction the baby's head out.

I am just so in love with this little boy - and I've only met him just a few hours ago. It's weird - how you immediately just love someone just by virtue of holding him. I definitely am the proud auntie. I can't wait to borrow him.

I am looking forward to years and years of happiness, joy, and pure love - watching him grow. I am so excited!!!

Welcome to the world - little prince.

My iPhone is broken....!

My iPhone is broken!!! It took my mutant power 6 days to destroy the phone. I was playing around with it tonight in between study breaks, and the stupid piece of equipment just stopped working. What the ??? My touch screen does not work. Just when I was starting to enjoy it - it breaks on me. I hope that is not any indication of my upcoming luck at all. I am going to have hubby return it tomorrow - ahhh! He's going to have so much fun torturing me on how I destroy anything electronic - just when I was trying to prove him wrong. I can just hear our conversation now - the same conversation we always have when I break something.

Me: Honey, my phone is broken.
Hubby: What? What did you break this time?
Me: I said my phone is broken
Hubby: Again?
Me: I didn't break it.
Hubby: Of course, you didn't, baby. It breaks by itself. Stupid microchip.
Me: Can you fix it? Just fix it.
Hubby: Your power is amazing! I've never seen a phone do that before.
Me: Stop.
Hubby: That's funny. I should put that on you tube. Let me see it.
Me: Here. Just fix it. Thanks. Stop laughing.

Me walking away all annoyed. Stupid phone.

Guess what Mr. & Mrs. got today

Now let's just hope my "mutant power" (yeah that's what my husband calls my inexplicable extraordinary ability to break anything electronic) does not destroy this wonderful and beautiful electronic device in a matter of months...or days.

This thing took us 6 1/2 hours to get. Yes - I wasted that much time for this little thing. I almost regretted going - but I promised hubby I would go. He was really excited about this phone, and I was excited for him. I am proud of me though, because I had my flashcards, and earplugs and books - and I sat on the floor for over 6 hours as we inched our way onto the front of the store, and studied my little (okay big) butt off. So yes, I was productive, even when I was at the mall. However, I did take a break out of the line, on the third hour, and while stretching my legs out, I accidentally bought baby clothes for Aiden at Macy's (I couldn't help it - baby clothes are way too cute to pass up).

I can't believe that even with the current slow down in the economy - there were literally hundreds of people in line just at Brea mall alone - practically begging to shell out money to buy this phone (a 7 year old kid was in front of me - who was there with his mom - and yes, he too was getting an iPhone, along with his parents and siblings).

Now, I just need to find the time to actually figure out how this phone actually works. I know it can call out and in - and that's all I know and need to know for now.

Shhhh....

I lay awake at night
forming a story
of how tomorrow should be
fearing that it will not
scared that it will not
wondering that it will not
shhh....